My 11 year old son is bringing his 11 year old catapult project to school today. It looks like an 11 year old project. He will be judged against catapult projects done by mostly men in their 40's. Those kids whose dads did the project will get the ribbon. And the better grade. But really...even an 11 year old kid realizes that ribbon is a meaningless piece of material. On par with participation trophies parents buy for their kids for just being on a rec soccer team. It doesn't do any good to anyone to do your kids science project! My 8 kids have suffered through science fairs, history contests, etc because they did those projects themselves. In second grade when the class project was in the hall the art work the moms did was beautiful. Meanwhile my kids project was made from construction paper and the letters sometimes went downhill. Wasn't ever a comparison between whose project was better. But....by the time 9th grade comes my kids know how to do a project independently and theirs is the best on display. That ribbon they get, they earned...and they know it! By the time they get to college they are ready. I am telling you from the voice of experience do not do your child's work! You hurt them more than help them! Being given a prize or an A they didn't earn does NOT promote self esteem..it has the opposite effect; it detracts from their self worth. Of course you have to buy supplies and help a little bit..like the title can't be misspelled, but the rest is up to them. Teach them how to fish!
They will thank you later!
A Mom with common sense...I applaud you....your children are very fortunate to have you...they will go far in life with this lesson...I can get on my soap box on the subject of prizes for not doing things yourself...just so no ones feelings get hurt....okay stepping off..
ReplyDeleteYes, I can't stand it when parents do that. I dont understand how they think doing something for their child us going to be better than helping the children learn how to do.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more. I don't know when it became the trend for parents to do their kid's work. They never did when I was growing up.
ReplyDeleteOH goodness! I love this, my mum made us do all of our own things and I am so thankful now! And thanks for reading and commenting on our posts! I am so sad I accidentally deleted today's comment! sorry!
ReplyDeleteYes and it is so much more satisfying when they are grown up and say thank you!!
ReplyDeleteOh yes- we had that same scenario when my son was in scouts. He did his one race car & when we showed up we had all the other boys who had cars that were obviously done by their parents. Sad that it's become so competitive that the parents have to do it for them. The kids don't learn anything except that someone else will come & rescue them & they won't have to stand on their own.
ReplyDeleteThank you for following my blog! I am gladly following you back!! I totally agree with this post!! My son has had projects for the past two years, one he had to make a log cabin and another a teepee. While he did have help with the hot glue gun, he did the projects. Both times I took a look at all the projects and was stunned by the elaborate log cabins I saw last year. Things that NO CHILD could have made. This year was no different with the teepees, but thinking back on those cabins makes me just go wow.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Kids need to do the projects, not parents. It makes kids learn so much and have such an inner confidence that I wouldn't want to take that away from them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this.
Regina
www.thecrazynutsmom.com
Nicely said! As a bit of a perfectionist it's hard for me to let go of control sometimes, but I know it's best for him in the long run. By the way, tag! You're it :) Check out my new post for the details!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wherenothinggoodcomeseasy.com/2012/01/some-fun-things-about-me.html
Too late my friend but good advice. My girls are all grown now but I do remember doing quite a few projects and some were really first class because it was something I also enjoyed. I guess as parents we want them to take something to school they will be really proud of and if their skills are not quite there we have to jump in.
ReplyDeleteThis sort of thing by parents is just one of the things that parents often do to "help" their kids. The project may get an "A", but the parent definitely FAIL....and the kids just plain lose!
ReplyDeletemy husband cannot wait until our daughters start having science projects and your post reminds me to keep my husband off and just offer constructive help/criticism and go from there. I grew up doing everything myself and I'm glad I did!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son noticed that in 1st grade... the other kids brought in projects obviously NOT done my them, but their parents......
ReplyDeleteCould not agree more.
ReplyDeleteI will enjoy being a "mean mom" and watching my kids do (almost) all of the work by themselves. And then, 15 years later, I will be the "best mom ever" when they come home from college and thank me for not holding their hand every step of the way, but instead walking behind them, ready and willing to help them up if they happened to fall.
soo agree just ran into a mom at our craft store, w/o her daughter getting all the supplies for the book report. My rule is make a draft, write a list of supplies then get in the car with me to go and get them. I think the teachers know and the kids will be lost especially in college!
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting my blog, following you back http://stayingclosetohome.blogspot.com
I love this post! I haven't done any of my kids' projects yet. I may have helped a little or given some suggestions, but the rest is up to them. That is the only way they will learn.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom and former teacher, I love this post! When I was in 5th grade we had to build covered wagons for our pioneer unit. At the time, Michaels sold a little covered wagon that you just had to paint. My parents wouldn't buy it for me and didn't help me with my project at all. My wagon looked like an 11 year old built it and I got a F on it. The A projects were the store bought ones. My mom brought one in to show my teacher that the kids didn't build them and she still gave them A's but bumped me up to a D. I'll never forget my mom telling my teacher that she needs a new profession if she's was going to reward cheating and fail effort.
ReplyDeleteI still have very negative feelings towards that teacher but the lesson of doing your own work was not lost on me. I'm going to tell my kids the same thing my mom used to tell me "I already finished the 5th grade so I don't have to do 5th grade work. You have not finished the 5th grade, so you do." It's the only way they will every learn.
Thanks for the follow!
Yes, Mama! You do have to build character into the young ones!
ReplyDeleteI so agree! The teachers know who does half of the science projects...the parents! I am a guide but they have to do the work!
ReplyDeleteGreat words of wisdom! I wholeheartedly agree. I love seeing my kids put their creativity into it.
ReplyDeleteLove this and couldn't agree more...what amazes me are the teachers who KNOW the parents are doing the work but don't say/do anything...my kids, too, are the ones with the projects turned in that reflect their creativity and workmanship (even when Mom has so many wonderful ideas and ways to tweak it...LOL).
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more! I am a 5th grade teacher and I try to explain to kids and parents that the assignments are for CHILDREN! We complete most projects in school- so that parents won't get the chance to do their child's project for them. For the one or two projects that are done at home each year we try to pick the ones that are a little messier and were most likely done by a kid. I think parents should let their kids try on their own. You nailed it with this post!
ReplyDeleteI love this post!!! I think as parents, we feel pressured to DO the work because of what other kids are turning in as "their" work. I have always hoped that the teachers recognize who is simply doing the work for their kids, and what kids are putting the elbow grease in themselves. I have also found that with my kids, they WANT to do the work themselves. They want to OWN the project.
ReplyDeleteHow true. :-) Just another one of those insight backed by experience from you. :-)
ReplyDeletewhen i went to school I always seen things parents would do for there children... Like what are they learning by it? NOTHING!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Thanks for the follow. I am now following you.
ReplyDeletehttp://junkfoodkids.com
I do supervise my children to make sure they do not take the lazy way out and just do the minimum. They are capable of making a neat board. Sometimes they are more capable than we give them credit if we show them what is expected. But none of these marks in lower grades count. This is just practice.
ReplyDelete100% agree... Theyhave got to be able to do the work...with guidance, but by themselves nonetheless...
ReplyDeleteOne word for you- AMEN! I tell my kiddos "I already went to 2nd grade- it's your turn!"
ReplyDeleteKerry at HouseTalkN
Amen to that!!
ReplyDeleteOh this needs to be published in the New York Times or somewhere else it will be read by thousands of parents. Your words are so true, let the kids do their own work and "earn" the marks they get regardless of what that mark is. That's definitely how they learn how to grow and improve. Great advice for all parents to read. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteSo very true. I was a Mum like you. I didn't do their projects because I instilled in them the importance of doing their own work and the feeling of accomplishment knowing that although they came up against projects done by 40+ year old Dad's at least if they got an A is was well earned. I also explained that those whose parents did their projects were actually cheating. My kids survived and did extremely well at school and did it by themselves. They can look at their reports and be proud - a job well done :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! I awarded you the Versatile blog award! Check it out at http://www.mybizarrefamily.com/2012/01/i-received-award.html
ReplyDeleteWoman, you speak the truth! I couldn't agree more that we need to raise our children to be independent. Mommy and daddy aren't going to be around forever so it's best they learn to do things on their.
ReplyDeleteLove it...WOW a Mom of 8, I am bowing down to you now! I definitely promote independence in our home too. Momma can't go to college and live the real life with you. Teach them young!
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts on independence. One of the greatest ways to build confidence and esteem in our kids is to foster independence with their school work....independence doesn't mean we ignore them or leave them to figure it out on their own but rather teach them how to be independent thinkers and problem solvers. Some kids need more nudging in this direction than others but the goal is the same.
ReplyDeleteSuch a great reminder. My boys are almost 2,4,6 and 8. So far we haven't had any public displays of our school work. Their projects are done and admired by family and close friends who come to visit only. But, as they get older and our Co-op does more group projects and we join some community classes....I know there will be plenty of opportunity for our boys to "show off" their work or even be graded by others. Praying that this habit of letting them do all their own work with only my help and supervision sticks. I don't want to become one of "those" parents whose concern is what others think. Thanks for checking out my blog. I'm following you too now. :)
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ReplyDeleteExcellent advice in respect to kids and all others. "Teach them to fish" has kind of become my mantra this year. Love your blog! Always makes me grin and encourages me to take life up a notch with Jesus. Thanks!
ReplyDeletePam at 2Encourage