Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Why Does Youth Sports Bring Out the Worst In Adults?
Do you know what I am talking about? The dad coach of an 8 year old baseball team. You know he is a good guy. You have seen him open his wallet to the kids collecting money for cancer victims. You see him lend his lawn equipment to his neighbor, and jump start a teens car in a heartbeat. He smiles easily when he passes and waves. Then he becomes the coach of his son's youth sports team (his son almost always gets the coveted positions)... and he transforms. He is now yelling at the kid who swings at a high pitch, telling the nonathletic teammate he would help his team the most by cheering for the good players, berating the team when they lose and saying they will never be a good team. This repeats with the moms! She is the one who organizes the class parties, brings in teacher appreciation gifts, volunteers to help the struggling kids learn to read,...then her son is on your sons baseball team...this same person would throw your kid under a bus if it in any way advances her son's position on the team. It is madness...and I have witnessed it over and over and over. Adults become obsessed by the competitive environment of sports and lose perspective of reality. What does it really matter in the whole time line of life if your son's team wins the youth football championship at age 9? Why is it the most important event in all of recorded history? My husband decides to coach and brings the teams to the playoffs ...and all of a sudden the phone calls and emails start...you cannot continue to play every kid, this is big time now, you have to play to win. You are letting these kids have too much fun and now you have to get serious. When he reminds the parents the team is winning they said it won't stay that way if he continues with this method. It is a crazy crazy world in youth sports. The parents change strategies by high school and start yelling more at the referees or umpires. Then the child grows up, starts a family and becomes his kid's head coach.
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I know what you mean...I coached my sons soccer team when he was 5 was cussed out by a Dad because I took his son out of the game when the boy told me he had a tummy ache....crazy stuff..
ReplyDeleteI am constantly amazed at how seriously some people take youth sports. I went to watch some of my students (5th graders) play in a basketball semi-final and heard one of the parents telling her son to elbow another one of my students in the face. I couldn't believe my ears. I think kids should just enjoy the game and learn how to be good sports. No one even remember most of the games they played in elementary school and if they won or lost. Good luck to your husband and son.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh... It is so true! I coached my daughter's soccer team when she was 4-6..... People would get so mad if the "not so good kids" got equal playing time and all sorts of things.... people make me crazy!!!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to stop by and say hello from the hop. I can learn so much from you and I agree some parents go way too far when kids are having fun with sports. I'm a new follower and if you'd like please follow me back at www.nerdymomfitmom.blogspot.com Thanks!
ReplyDeletePlaying to win is important. Children want to win, they need to want to win. They need to win the right way. For the younger kids that means winning with everyone having a chance to play. As they get older kids will learn their role in winning. Often it means just being an extra body in practice.
ReplyDeletePlaying to win is important. It is also important to learn to lose.
Cranky Old Man
Again, SO TRUE!!!! When we lived in NC, though, we had a wonderful, WONDERFUL league for Homeschool Football. The man in charge of our city's teams was a Pastor - and he always had a meeting with the players and the parents to let us all know what was expected. The entire league (all cities) had to sign agreements on behavior. ZERO bickering or "negative coaching" was allowed. It was an awesome league, we miss it so much!
ReplyDeleteI think pushy parents like you describe are utterly depressing. But I am not a sports fan myself, and I can't really see why anyone could care so passionately about being better than the other team. So, maybe I'm not the best person to offer an opinion. :)
ReplyDeleteI grew up hating sports. My Dad hated sports ...he said in a game/match there always had to be a loser...no one should be labelled a loser.
ReplyDeleteJane x
It frightens me to think of having to deal with that world of competitive parents when my son is old enough. I want to encourage him to have fun and be active, but I really don't want to deal with parents like that. I've heard so many horror stories from friends.
ReplyDeleteHaving grown up playing competitive sports, I completely understand what you're talking about. After my brothers and I passed our teenaged years, my Dad continued to coach a very competitive kids hockey team. Fortunately, he is not at all like the coach that you described but many of the parents were. I can't tell you the number of times that he had to kick parents out of the rink. It is sad and pathetic when parents need to embarrass themselves to that degree.
ReplyDelete-Ashleigh
www.2moms2dogs2babies.com
Competition is good but sports should be fun and we also need to teach kids that it's okay to lose too. They shouldn't grow up thinking they have to win at everything, that's not how it is in real life. Not sure what some parents are thinking.
ReplyDeleteI tell you what - I think that they did not do well in sports when they were young - and then want to live through their children. Sandie
ReplyDeleteTotally, 100%, agree with this post. However, I cringe to admit that I am a very competitive person by nature. I just love it all! So I have to really reign myself in. I do better if I stand back--ten to twenty feet maybe--from the rest of the parents. I've found that keeps me from yelling as much. I really don't know what comes over me. I try to remind myself throughout games that "it's just for fun, it's just for fun..." I've never crossed the line though and actually yelled at a child or another parent or even the coach, but after some games my tongue is sore from all the biting! Thanks for another good reminder. :)
ReplyDeleteI use to play netball on Saturdays and my aunty would come and watch. She would be yelling on the side the whole game. It made me so mad, I didn't even want to play! Last year Pete played junior football. It was for under 3 1/2 year olds and I was shocked at how worked up parent's got when kids were running the wrong way, I thought it was awesome that they were out there having fun!
ReplyDeleteSo true! I saw way too many parents become completely different when I played competitive soccer. It's crazy how nasty some parents could be about something that we were all out there playing for fun!
ReplyDeleteOh, what a shame your husband is experiencing such difficulty. My husband was blessed with wonderful, supportive and loving parents when he coached our son's basketball team in sixth grade, it was a wonderful time for all of us :) Best of luck!!
ReplyDeleteToo bad, it ruins the whole sportsmanship concept. Did you tell me you lived in D.C. for ten years?? I was born and raised there!
ReplyDeleteIt's adults living their sports dreams through their kids. I wonder if they even know they are doing it?
ReplyDeleteThis is why I never pushed my kids into sports. My 16 year old chose to ride a bike instead.
ReplyDeleteIts like parents are compensating for their own failures or missed opportunities by pushing their kids to do the very thing that they were unable to do. Its sad. They should just let kids be kids, after all they were once werent they!
ReplyDeleteYou need to get in a different youth program, that doesn't cut it with me
ReplyDeleteI am a high school varsity coach, and you would be amazed by what i hear from parents in the stands.
ReplyDeleteEncouraging Thoughts for Life
My husband is the nicest guy you will meet....until you throw in sports. I am so glad my daughter isn't playing softball this year. Much less stress for me.
ReplyDeleteBoth of my children are in sports, so unfortunately, I see this all the time. It really is sad.
ReplyDeleteIsn't one of reasons we have sports in school (besides the exercise) is working as a team and having fun? These kids don't need the added stress. They will have plenty of it as they get older.
ReplyDeleteDanielle
It is sad that some parents live out their unrealized dreams in their kids. They forget that their kids have their own interests, and that they shouldn't be forced into activities out of their will. Sorry to hear that your husband had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this same thing when my children were young. I feel very sorry for the coach and even sorrier for the team!
ReplyDeleteugh its a vicious cycle...we let our competitiveness get in the way and try to live vicariously through our kids and it just gets ugly...watching this play out with my sons team this year...it sucks
ReplyDeleteIt is sad the way some parents act... I say play to have fun!! If the kids want to move on to professional sports -- they will gain that passion!
ReplyDeleteBaseball, Soccer, Football no matter what sport we take on...it is just as you describe. VERY SAD!
ReplyDeleteYou describe a huge chunk of life that most parents have seen. I told a parent just over my shoulder because she was 2 bleachers above me and my husband always sits above me because I AM a cheerleader, well I asked her to quit making fun of our kids we weren't making fun of hers,( I caught just barely out of the corner of my eye) as I was turning back around, her flying OVER my husband coming to attack me, instinct I jumped up and she came flying over to my face screaming I laughed and then pushed her out of my face (the alcohol was gagging) the men grabbed her away until the cops arrived it was the most ridiculous thing. My children all played sports all kinds of sports and I have never attended an event without some kind of insane parent, I take that back ARCHERY our 9 yr. old is doing so far no yelling :} good luck on the season!!!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on this one, same way here, sad very sad,
ReplyDeleteI don't know why it does, but you see it all the time.
ReplyDeleteSeems it's the same everywhere...my daughter removed one of her sons from his rugby team when she heard a father, running along the side of the oval screaming at his son to 'kill him, kill the little b.....d!' The kids were all in the under 9's team.
ReplyDeletei remember when i was at swimming. the parents of my best friend at that time seemed to 'mutate' to agressive shouting cheering monsters all the time. so see your point!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I don't have to worry about this, but I have seen it happen. Parents are too competitive and forget it's a game. It is not a good trait to show your kids or kids of other parents and can cause resentment later in life.
ReplyDeleteI've seen this as well. It's ridiculous! I've actually had a parent try to cheat my son of his swim time! I believe she was upset because my son made varsity his first year in HS.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to sign my daughter Savannah up for Soccer in the next couple weeks. I do not look forward to having to come up along the tempermental coach "mom or dad" that plays the favortism card. Yikes no fun.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog. Glad you found mine.
God bless, Viola
This is so near and dear to my heart! It is hard to watch kids feel the impact of parents' behavior when the sport (even at the championship level) is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. It is supposed to be enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteItty Bit's big brother coaches his team... and the poor guy gets all kinds of extreme advice. Thank the Lord for our good coaches who care about the kids!
We need to go back to the days when kids all showed up at the playground, picked teams, and played. Without and help or harassment from the parents.
ReplyDeleteI agree- the competiveness has gotten nuts. The kids deserve to learn better lessons from the adults.
ReplyDeleteI agree that is usually the case and it is really hard to understand the transformation! But, on a positive note, I went to watch my 8 year old nephew's practice and game last month and his coach was a positive dream! He found something good to say to each of the kids, even when they missed a ball, didn't get to first base, swung and missed...whatever. Those kids adore him and he gets so much more out of them because of his attitude. He was a real joy to watch!
ReplyDeleteJust makes your heart break to see how it ruins it for the kiddos.
ReplyDeleteWhen the aim is not to get fun but winning the game, everything changes.
ReplyDeleteOur non-athletic sons just ran track this year. Candy bars for PRs (personal record) The team focused on each member throwing farther or running faster than their personal best. Everyone participated. Much better experience than baseball.
ReplyDeleteOh, so true and, oh, so sad! Sports is a really great part of all of our lives and should be a great memory for all kids as well. Unfortunately, parents have always and will always continue to ruin it for everyone else. I've seen it soooo many times. There are coaches who ruin the sport as well....SAD!!!! I've come to realize it will never change and we, the good parents, must instill good sportmanship with our children at a very early age, which my husband surely did for my children...Thank God!!!! Good luck to your family....just keep your values alive!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, it can get mighty competitive! Have a blessed day my friend, HUGS!
ReplyDeleteA vicious cycle is it not.....Thank goodness for those few coaches that learn it is mostly about learning to play, work and be together in harmony working toward a common goal...Unity!
ReplyDeleteMy son started t-ball this year and some of the parents are just scary with how competitive they are with regards to their kids!
ReplyDeleteACK! It is scary sometimes how it's a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing when it comes to parents and their kids' sports...almost sad....
ReplyDeleteDon't I know how that goes. All my boys play football and rugby and I can really get caught up in the screaming and hollering. It's a part of me I only see at my sons' games. Didn't know I had it in me! It gets pretty intense on the sidelines for parents. Sad and embarrassing for the kids though.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. I used to see it at my son's high school basketball games. Parents yelling at the refs all the time and even at the kids. I was guilty of cheering and I'd ocassionally tell the refs they made a bad call but some parents would curse them out, crazy!
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by my blog. I always enjoy your comments!
ReplyDeleteNot just coaches but some of the parents can act like that too.I see so many parents of athletes yell and belittle there children when you can see that the kid is trying there best to do well.But not good enough for the parent.Last year for example my daughter was in cross country running.This parent kept yelling at his daughter.
ReplyDeleteParent:Come on run faster...let's go,go,go.
Child:Crying
Parent:Stop your crying and let's move it!
Child:Crying
It really made me sick!I would like to see this guy run even a mile and do as well as she did.What a jerk!
(((Hugs)))
Anne
as a girl who used to play sports, i know exactly what you mean. its so true, sideline parents kill me.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I do know what you mean! When my daughter played basketball in elementary school, she played in a Catholic league. I loved it. The coaches were positive, the kids were good sports and team players, the parents were well behaved. When she got older she played in hoop clubs and in public school. Was I in for a shock!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that all Catholic leagues are like that. Nor am I saying that all public sports are like that. I'm just contrasting two different experiences I had as a parent. All the difference!
So true! And thanks for the comment. :)
ReplyDeletebeyond soccer in grade school (and before parents and teachers had "winning" in mind), my sons only participated in track and tennis. not really team sports so no one to compete against except yourself.
ReplyDeletethanks for dropping by and commenting too! my in-laws house is in milton, wisconsin. seems i neglected to tag that this time. have a great day!
This is why I HATED going to my daughters basketball games. Why can't parents just sit and watch with a little cheering here and there? No, they have to scream at their kid the whole time. I think that must be distracting for the kid playing because they are focusing more on what their parent is yelling about than playing the game. It's just a game people. Sit down, shut up, and enjoy the game.
ReplyDeleteI actually had a karate Dad who yelled out (about someone else's kid no less). The Mom next to him shushed him and said (just as loud),"The other parents will hear!"
ReplyDeleteMy response was to quickly say..."Hello....we all can hear you and I'm sure even the poor kid you trashed heard! SHAME ON YOU!"
What's the meaning of this thing called fun playing sports? You mean they're supposed to have fun?? lol Thanks for stopping by my blog Darling... xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. And it's not cool when the coach's loose theirs.
ReplyDelete=)
PS. Oops. Make that "lose" theirs.
ReplyDelete;)
All of this makes me very, very glad that I was never encouraged to go for sports. :)
ReplyDeleteI've seen it, and it drives me nuts. At 17, my son just finished the high school season with one of the best, most respected coaches we've ever had. (And I have to say, we have been SO fortunate with coaches) There are some gems out there!
ReplyDeleteOh yes! I know exactly the parents you are talking about... whether it's baseball, hockey, basketball or whatever... there are too many of them. It upsets me terribly (I had a coach like this when I was young) to see this in sports as it does affect the kids and the way they look at sports in the future. Me, I just love to see my child participating!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Mom-ology! Following back :)
I have seen this, too. It's pretty disgusting. Oh for the days of kids organizing themselves in an empty lot baseball game...with no adults around. I know that's just a fantasy today.
ReplyDeleteCrazy.
ReplyDelete