How Books Imitate Life

I am a reader. I love to read. I love books!  The thought, sight, feel, touch..everything about books. I would read all day if I didn't have to do other stuff. I also like to talk about books, usually at dinner with the kids and at night with my husband. I can't hide my enthusiasm. Two nights ago I was telling the family (again) why they should be readers...how every person likes to be aware, to understand, to learn, to grasp what is going on...maybe people do not realize this, but we all love to learn....and books help do this! I was explaining whatever book I read, I start to notice what I am reading in the world. It is unbelievable really. When I was reading Uncle Toms Cabin, a group of nonbelievers were protesting the year of prayer and put a billboard of a slave in shackles with a quote from the Bible, in the middle of the city! When I read the lives of the saints, I saw examples of holiness and goodness even at the gym. I was challenging my kids to just try and see...start reading and notice how the book mimics something in your life...you will be amazed. So yesterday, I began reading Karl Marx. At 1:30 in the afternoon the doorbell rings. It is a salesman. This is only the second door to door salesmen in our neighborhood since we moved into this house 10 years ago. He is asking me to buy magazines to support People For Work...an organization dedicated to helping people make money who have lost their jobs because they were replaced by machines! (one of Marx's favorite themes).  He said he worked for waste management and his job was replaced by a robot with claws...I just started the book yesterday!

Why Does Youth Sports Bring Out the Worst In Adults?

Do you know what I am talking about? The dad coach of an 8 year old baseball team. You know he is a good guy. You have seen him open his wallet to the kids collecting money for cancer victims. You see him lend his lawn equipment to his neighbor, and jump start a teens car in a heartbeat. He smiles easily when he passes and waves. Then he becomes the coach of his son's youth sports team (his son almost always gets the coveted positions)... and he transforms. He is now yelling at the kid who swings at a high pitch, telling the nonathletic teammate he would help his team the most by cheering for the good players, berating the team when they lose and saying they will never be a good team. This repeats with the moms! She is the one who organizes the class parties, brings in teacher appreciation gifts, volunteers to help the struggling kids learn to read,...then her son is on your sons baseball team...this same person would throw your kid under a bus if it in any way advances her son's position on the team. It is madness...and I have witnessed it over and over and over. Adults become obsessed by the competitive environment of sports and lose perspective of reality. What does it really matter in the whole time line of life if your son's team wins the youth football championship at age 9? Why is it the most important event in all of recorded history?  My husband decides to coach and brings the teams to the playoffs ...and all of a sudden the phone calls and emails start...you cannot continue to play every kid, this is big time now, you have to play to win. You are letting these kids have too much fun and now you have to get serious. When he reminds the parents the team is winning they said it won't stay that way if he continues with this method. It is a crazy crazy world in youth sports. The parents change strategies by high school and start yelling more at the referees or umpires. Then the child grows up, starts a family and becomes his kid's head coach.

Wordless Wednesday

Visual proof women are smarter

What People Say When The Don't Know They are On Speaker

My husband and I were watching my son wrestle in a tournament on a live feed to our computer at home. The video was being taken from the head table. Here is the first thing I heard.
Announcer #1, "My ass is sore. How about yours?"
Announcer #2, "Yea, I know what you're sayen.  And these chairs have cushions, better than those damn bleachers, they make my whole body sore, not just my ass."

Thank You For Our Freedom

I just go about business, complaining... about the driver who drives under the speed limit in the left lane, picking the longest line to check out, constant bad hair days, my kids with the goal to bother each other consistently succeeding in attaining that goal, another dent that no one knows how it got there, garden bugs, the eternal mess in the kitchen...etc etc etc.. Yet if I stop to even notice or think about my blessings, what a different perspective! The things I complain about are my blessings! That I have a car to drive, money to buy groceries, a garden to harvest, children to fight with each other, dishes to get messy...and live in a land that I love made free by the blood and toil of other people.

Another Reason Why I Could Never Be a Teacher

There are less than 3 weeks of school left. My fourth grader said todays question for the teacher was...."How can I possibly get in trouble for doing hand signals during silent lunch?"

Do You Think Math?

 I have bad knees. Steps are problematic. As we were discussing where we should meet, my husband said "The first entrance has only 15 steps that would be better than the 20 at the other entrance."
I asked how would he possibly know how many steps there are.
He then asked me, "What do you mean?"
I repeated, "How would you know how many steps there are?"
 He said "Everyone knows. "
 I asked out loud "Everyone knows how many steps there are? How?"
"By counting them."
"You count the steps?'"
"Everybody counts the steps."
"I don't."
Shock!
"What do you mean?"
"I have never counted steps."
Double shock.
I had another thought."Do you know how many steps are in our house?"
"Of course!  Don't you?'
"No idea."
Could see the confusion now.. in his pale face.
I discovered after 28 years of marriage he counts ceiling tiles too. And scoops of mulch. And the seconds it takes for the elevator. And pillars. And loves mile markers especially. This was all very big news to me. I thought this was one of the craziest things in the world, he thought it was one of the craziest things that I didn't count stuff...he never even imagined that people go through life without counting things. So we took a poll in our house...4 of my kids count steps and tiles and miles and 4 of my kids don't. The other half never considered the other halves habits..and had no idea such people even existed....
Do you count things?

Wordless Wednesday

Always read the fine print.

Love What You Do

We had a productive weekend, catching up with the college kids return home, and anticipating what the next week will bring (new jobs, new car) and how to make it the best it can be. As we talked, it was easy to point out why the things that work, work. The kids that are competing athletically are training hard...lifting, cardio, practice The musical son practicing before school and practicing after school and whenever he can in between, because he loves music so much. The scholarly kids, reading and reading and reading and then thinking about what they read and wanting to talk about what they are reading and then reading more. They all have the same thing in common. They love what they are doing. More than that, they are passionate about what they are doing. That passion is contagious and happy, I can see the excitement as they prepare and I can hear the excitement when they talk. Their efforts and mind set are so visible we almost have to root for their success. I think loving what you do is a better predictor of success than anything else. When we are engaged in what we love, we automatically do the things that lead us to make us better at it.... practice, read about it, think about it, talk about it, learn as much as we can about what it is we are doing. Because it is fun. I hope my kids keep doing what they love because they love it, not because the pay is good.

What I Learned In Court This Week

I was an observer in the courtroom...not a defendant...just for the record. And my husband was the lawyer. I watched him and the trial for 8 days. How fascinating and how interesting!  It was a complex medical case, with all kinds of ivy educated people with long lists of capital letters after their names taking the stand, trying to explain their reasoning to a cross section of society jury. The jury was the most interesting of all, I think because they paid such close attention. Some of the testimony, especially the experts, was complicated. I told my husband I found it challenging to put the pieces together and I have a medical background...how was a lay jury supposed to understand this stuff?  He told me to not have a snobby attitude and underestimate  people..and I will be enlightened by American court system. He was right. They listened to every witness and every lawyer with such attention I was distracted watching them pay attention! Every witness got a chance to explain. Each side got the chance to explain their reasoning and their position with the expectation of attention from everyone in the room. It really was an eye opening experience. And so fun to keep on learning new things everyday!  I would like to be on a jury....the 4 times I got called I had too many little kids at home and could not leave them alone..when I get called again...I am going!
He won.

How To Surprise A Middle School Son

I am not a hovering parent. I am not interested in PTA, class parties or chaperoning anything. I would be happy if they had school all year. For the last parent teacher conferences I wrote the teacher a note and said "I do not feel the need to come in for a conference.  My son likes school, his teachers, his peers and his subjects.  Of course I will come in if you feel any need at all, but I do not have any problems or concerns I would like to discuss. Would this be ok with you if we do not have a conference?"  And my kids are ok with this too. We try to raise them to be self motivated, and study hard and work hard and play hard to please God and themselves. To have the desire in their hearts to study and learn and want to get  A's.  So far it seems to be working. I don't have to ask if they did their homework or studied for a test...they take care of their studies themselves..and ask for help, a lot, if they need it.
So , I got a letter from the principle of the middle school informing us our son was going to be recognized in front of the school at the end of the year and we should come in for the ceremony. But it is a surprise and we should please not tell our son he is getting this award.  I go into the auditorium and wait.  Interesting to watch the interaction of all the students, filing orderly into their seats. I am sitting on the end and I see my kid, with all his friends that I know so very well because they are at my house all the time. My son is standing 2 kids away from me and I can hear him saying to his friends, "Look there are parents here. My mom doesn't even know where this school is."  and his friends see me sitting there and just start cracking up.  My son thinks they are laughing at a joke he may have made or something and elaborates even more, "I am serious. She doesn't even know this school HAS an auditorium.  She would never come to whatever it is going on now."  They are holding their stomachs laughing and my son is standing right by me talking about me and he has no idea I am there. This is very funny to 6th grade boys, but my son does not think what he is saying is THAT funny. So he says, "Like what?  What is so funny?"  And then he looks at me. Silence. He is expressionless. And frozen still. Like I am a ghost. The line moves but he doesn't. He finally says, " Wait. What are you doing here?"and he has to go because he is holding up the line.

Wordless Wednesday

Think of it as double exercise..you get to walk back up the stairs!

It's The Little Things

My husband has been swamped the past 2 weeks. Working 17 hour days. I don't even know how keeps going on such little sleep, but he is going.  Driving to work he got pulled over for not having a working headlight. Got a warning to have it fixed by May 13 or pay some crazy fine. An inconvenience with bad timing. He planned Sunday morning to deal with this headlight and had no idea how to even get to a headlight in a Prius. When he is does get to the light, it goes on! He is really very happy! It must have needed to be wiggled. Then he decides to get gas for the week, everyone in the house is still sleeping anyway. A police officer on one of my sons baseball teams is also at the gas station, and my husband asked him what he should do with this citation. The police officer looked at the headlight, and said "Give me the citation, I'll sign it and bring it into the station." You would have thought my husband won the lottery.

A Mothers Day Gift From My Son

Today is a guest post from my college age and therefore poor in money son. His Mothers day gift to me was to write a blog post so I could have the day off.

 Mother’s Day

I think the world of my mom; but it has not always been like that. From a young age, I was incredibly curious about everything; I wanted to know what things felt like, what they tasted like, how they worked, and why they were there.  This curiosity got me in trouble when I was a young teenager. I thought my parents were stupid and knew nothing, and that I was always right. Here I was, a 15-year-old kid, thinking I knew better and was way smarter then a 40 year old with eight children of her own. The irony in that, huh? Time and time again, I found myself in trouble, and time and time again, I found my mom by my side. She never got mad at me or yelled at me or scolded me, rather, she would sit by me, with my dad, and just provide company. She would take a deep breath, look me in the eyes, and in a gentle and soothing way, she would tell me that regardless of how stupid or childish I acted, she would always love me. It took me 18 years to realize she was right, that she did love me unconditionally and that I wasn’t smarter than her, but once I realized this; everything else I did got a whole lot easier.

To those of you who do not know me, my name is Michael and I am the fourth in line in my family, with three older sisters and four younger brothers. My mom has changed my life in so many ways, and I would give her the world if I could, because she deserves nothing less, and I hope you feel the same way about your mom. Here is a very short list of the things she taught me through the years:

• Always be polite, kind, and welcoming to everyone.
• Always write thank you notes. People deserve to be appreciated.
• No one person’s needs or interests are more important than another’s. Every person should to be heard and listened to.
• Education and spiritual development are not luxuries-they are necessities.
• It is important to have a strong body as well as a strong mind. Physical activity is critical to growth.
• To love someone is to put their wants and needs above your own wants and needs.
• Listen, listen, listen. Every person in this world has a unique story to tell. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say, and learn from them.
• Smile and laugh. Don’t take things too seriously. 
• Always have a clean room, a made bed and a vacuumed carpet. It is by doing these small tasks that we develop the discipline and tenacity to overcome the large obstacles. 
• You get out of something what you put into it. If you try your best, the outcomes do not matter; it is the effort that counts.
• Family is the most important thing we have in this world. Never let them go, never neglect them, always respect them and love them as you love yourself.

Sure, she drilled these things into my head over and over again, but I didn’t learn them by listening to her-I learned them by watching her. She is the most beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring, thoughtful and considerate person I know in the entire world. She raised me, taught me, played with me, fed me, changed my diapers, listened to me, took me to my sports practices, paid for me to go to college, and most importantly, she loves me. I just wish I could give back to my mom half of what she has given me; because like Abraham Lincoln once said, “Everything I am, I owe to my mother.” So mom, happy mother’s day, and to moms all over the world: thank you. 

How To Fall In Love All Over Again

Most of my days are a complete waste of make up. Slicing, dicing, scrubbing and vacuuming. And driving kids all over the place. This past week was different. Everything about it. I went into court everyday to watch my husband do his job. He was impeccably dressed with shinning shoes. I was sitting in the seat with 2 coats of mascara and nice clothes, instead of my usual sweats and t- shirt and no make up, and was watching the man I normally see reviewing 6th grade math problems, repacking my dishwasher, saying good night prayers with our kids, work. He was so different!  I as his wife forget he has a job. I wait for him to come home and give him a list of jobs to check off. As I was watching him, I remembered how I was first attracted to his intelligence, and then began to think of all the many things that drew me to him...and realized how complacent I got by routine. Time to shake things up a bit.

When Can You Tell On Your Sibling?

1. If they are doing something morally offensive.

2. If it is life threatening.
That's it. Otherwise don't tell.

What Motivates the Mind Of a Hacker?

Identity theft, I sort of get, the money, the credit. Bullying, I sort of get too, feel better about yourself by making another person feel worse. Even the anonymous comments on my blog that are meant to get me upset, I sort of get, because they are aimed at me. But hacking? I do not get this at all. MACs are unlikely to get computer viruses because 5% of the population uses MAC, the other 95% uses windows...so hackers do not want to waste their hacking time on just 5%. What could have invaded the essence of a hacker so much that they would want to take revenge on a whole society of unknown human beings?  What could have been so unfair that masses of blameless people have to suffer payback? If I would someday like to write I think I have to come a little bit closer to understanding this nature. But I am not close right now. I feel sad for the anonymous hackers of the world, living their lives in cowardly desperation.

Wordless Wednesday

unfortunate text placement

for suit yourself

How We Hope Wrestling Helps with Life

Last Thursday I was happily enjoying my sons concert and got a text from my husband, (who normally would be right there with me) that says, " I cannot go this weekend".  So now it will be me driving my 2 boys 4 hours away to Eastern National Finals Wrestling Tournament, while he prepares for trial. And I will have a whirlwind of unanticipated activity in the next 72 hours. I informed the boys of the change in plans..I know they would much rather dad go, he actually understands wrestling, sort of, but by now they know you just have to roll with what you you get. The reality is they were stuck with mom. They worked so hard to prepare for this...every night pushing themselves to exhaustion, pushing, pushing..they wanted this, in their hearts and in their minds. By 9pm Friday we were settled in the hotel and they were laying on their backs next to each other on a twin bed with an imaginary electric line between them, that would shock them to death if they crossed it. And they fell asleep...that is when I contacted technical support to try and get on line. Not too much help from technical support. So I called my college daughter for help, but it was 10pm on a Friday night and she tried to help from the fraternity party she was at...and you know what I mean...
I didn't have much time to use the hotel computer anyway, we were in the civic center all day. The boys were prepared. Wrestling is hand to hand combat. A battle. Physical. Giving 100% of everything in their mind and body for 6 minutes. Total effort. Pushing themselves more than they think they can. I see how much they learn about life from this sport. The outcome is mainly a result of their cumulative effort. No excuses. Can't blame the coach, can't blame the ref, can't blame another team mate. They learn to take responsibility. And understand there is always someone better and always someone worse, so they learn how to win and how to lose. The purpose of sports for us is to translate the knowledge gained from sports into knowledge for living life. We are keeping our fingers crossed. Have you gained insights for life from sports?

Summer Vacation Plans Just Sounds Good!

I remember well the fun we had driving from San Francisco to LA, along the beautiful coast, with the windows down and The Who blaring, backpacking across Europe, snorkeling in the Caribbean, watching a bull fight in Mexico....
Then came kids.
A lot of them.
My husband and I were determined then to not let naps or diaper bags cramp our style and are determined now to not let sports schedules or job schedules cramp our style. We had to figure out a reasonable way to consistently take a vacation with our family. And we did. Renting a beach house for a week at the Jersey Shore. Might seem like a downturn in vacation plans, but on closer consideration, not so much. We now total 11 (since my daughter got married), and take 7 days together and bask in the sun, ride bikes on the boardwalk, take a short trip to watch the Philies win, and sit around the dinner table for endless periods of time. And laugh and drink and say remember when. And smile a lot. And eat too much. And wish we all had another week. And happily do the same thing again next year. And the next year. Because it is just always fun!  This year 4 of my husbands siblings will join us so it will be an even bigger beach party. My kids can't wait! The adults can't wait. This works for us.
Does your family take a summer vacation?  What do you do?

How Could They Pick That Movie After That Health Class?

My 12 year old son came home from school with a headache. He said it was from the movie they watched in school. The Muppets. I said, "Why did you watch that movie?"  He informed me Remember the Titian's was last months reward and the first time the school did this...and it was a huge hit with the students. The movie was shown as a reward to about 600 middle school students who didn't get a red card the whole month.  My son saw the same irony and asked,"Why would they show the Muppets?" raised his eyebrows and handed me their health outlines on human sexuality and birth control methods and STDs and drugs to avoid snorting...

When The Mom Gets Purple Glasses

My vision is pretty good. Better than most 50 year old women.  I need glasses when I drive at night or when we get nosebleed seating. My 5 years old, 8$ on line prescription glasses broke, finally, they were hanging on by a pin anyway.  So yesterday I asked the optician how much money the insurance will pay towards new glasses...he pointed to one single row of plastic frames, out of a wall of frames.  It really didn't matter too much to me what they looked like, I would only be wearing them when I drive. The first pair I tried on, the cheapest, but purple, looked OK.  Good enough anyway. Took about 30 seconds to decide. While I was waiting for the clerk to place the order I texted my husband and my daughter. She is the art major daughter who probably had that color hair at one time in her life. So I wrote, "I got purple glasses." Well this must have sounded completely radical! They texted back immediately with a host of questions. What? Purple? For you? Are you going to wear them everyday?  I guess this must have totally upset the apple cart.  I know I am very predictable. I have used the same  #24 medium brown hair dye for years, flats never heals, no more than 2 drinks at a time...and this new information was throwing them for a loop. That is just amazing to me, that in this age of immunity to shock, my new purple glasses could be such a shocker!

What Not to Forget In Your Mental Imagery

I do not like to go to the dentist. I think I am afraid to go to the dentist. Before the appointments, I mentally prepare myself.  I think of the prayer intentions I am going to pray, think about relaxation techniques, stuff like that.  Well, this time I thought about using mental imagery as a distraction. So I tried it. I was sitting in the reclined chair with my mouth wide open and a person to the left of me, and a person to the right. I closed my eyes and imagined me at the beach. I could easily picture this scene.  It is a quiet beach, but not deserted. I could feel the gritty sand under my shoulders, I could feel the heat of the sun on my body, I could taste the saltiness on my lips, I could hear the waves and the din of the beach. This was definitely working. I think I was probably drooling. I was very relaxed. I wasn't even in that dentist chair anymore, didn't hear the drill, didn't feel a thing. So on this perfect beach, I looked over to the love of my life, my husband, laying right next to me...and  sat up in the dentist chair in a panic. The dentist said, "Whoa! What is going on? What is the matter?"  I said, "Who is watching the kids?"

Wordless Wednesday

Can you see the sniper?

look right under the round hump.