Don't Sit Next to Peggy

If you can throw the farthest, jump the highest, kick the most accurately the playground is your mecca.  It also helps to have expensive shoes and clothes with names other kids have seen advertised. Having parents with time and money to cart you to activities helps cement your status. And so it happens I try to convince my children of their responsibility to look out for others, the others who have none of those advantages. They say the same thing, "Mom. It's not like when you were a kid. There is no bullying anymore. They start teaching us about it in kindergarten and never stop. If someone is bullying they get in huge trouble so it doesn't happen anymore." They go back to their happy groups oblivious. I tell them of course it happens, maybe not the obvious pushing and shoving. But they shake their head no and say bullying does not happen. And so, in the middle of the school year, a teacher asked my son if he would sit next to Peggy at lunch. The teacher told my son the whole class to have to sit boy girl boy girl so it would not be noticeable. The teacher also told my son that this girl has issues, and could he try and talk to her, and be nice to her. He came home and told us. He did not know anything at all about Peggy. The first day was uncomfortable, almost like a silent lunch, none knew what to say.  My son noticed this girl now. He told us about a world he never knew existed. The kids would tease her quietly and laugh at her.  When they walked past her they would say to each other, "ewe, don't touch her!  You'll get her germs." and walk away laughing. The second day at lunch he asked her where she lived. She told him without looking away from her free lunch. That was the conversation. As the week progressed they talked a little more, not much more.  When he passed her in the hall he said hi to her. His friends said, "Who is that?" He said, "The girl I have to sit next to at lunch." He would talk to us about the situation and we were learning just like he was. Finally, I called the teacher. The teachers knew how this girl was treated. He explained some of the multiple situations that morphed into behavioral problems that made the cycle even worse.  The teacher thought if my son could just be nice to her, maybe he could help her in some small way. The teacher was kind. No private information was ever breached, there was no gossip. At dinner, we talked again about our responsibility to help others. My son understood. In his lunch he started to pack 2 of the junk foods we are allow them to pack (gummy bears, fruit roll ups) one for him and one for Peggy. She thought it was a trick, why was he giving her treats for no reason, then she took them. The seating arrangement lasted about 2 weeks and then they went back to their groups.  He sat with his friends. She sat on the end or missed lunch because she got in trouble and had to spend lunch somewhere else.

Why I Will Not Believe Everything I Read

Two years ago our family was selected to participate in an NIH/PSU study to promote positive effects of siblings on each other. The study came under a federal alcohol and drug prevention grant. We were expected to attend hour long learning sessions on the importance of siblings that were after school and in the school, fill out extensive questionnaires and get videotaped in our home.  Compensation was $50 for each child and $150 for adults and stuff like free pizza and soda and prizes. Sounded good. The kids were willing. The sessions were conducted by PHd candidates or PHd professionals. I stopped participating after realizing how great was the bias of the whole study.  The way the questions were worded, the answers would support conclusions that families with more than 1 child become stressed out, overburdened and schizophrenic and the kids are constantly fighting. (may be true!)  Here is what I mean:
Questions for me:
Do you yell at your children?
Do you sometimes yell at your children because you were having a bad day?
Are you ever inconsistent with rules?
Do you sometimes enforce rules and sometimes not enforce those same rules?
Has having children sometimes negatively effected your relationship with your spouse?
Do you and your spouse sometimes disagree on parenting issues?

Questions for the children:
Do you fight with your sibling?
Do you get mad at your sibling?
Have you ever hit your sibling?
Did your sibling ever hit you?
Do your parents sometimes give in to your sibling more than to you?
Has your sibling ever taken something from you without your permission?
If your friends are around do you not want your sibling around?

The whole experience was eye opening to me.
The answers depend on the twisted phrasing of the questions to reflect an outcome the author or pollster wants. No mother on earth can say no, I have never yelled at my children. No sibling on earth can say, no, I never fought with my sibling. The results can be then interpreted based on this survey that disharmony and distress occur when families have to juggle the needs of more than one child. Of course, that is not the whole story, but that is the analysis.
Do not believe everything you read or every poll you see.

What Do You Expect?

I expected my husband to take the morning off of work and come with me to my mammogram appointment yesterday. I expect my kids to make their beds every morning, do their homework without prompting, and hold doors open for me.  I expect my college kids to attend Mass every Sunday. I expect full effort from my kids and I witness consistent great results! I see with my own eyes human beings living up to high demands and in the process feeling better about themselves. Able, empowered, confident, motivated. I cannot imagine how the kids must feel in New York. Where the government is the steward and there are such obvious low expectations of them. You are like every kid in your high school and will be having sex, so here, take free birth control. You do not even have enough self control or knowledge to be able to limit yourself to a regular size drink, so we will limit the amount for you. How insulting!

Wordless Wednesday

Another reason I could never be a teacher.

What Really Happened On The Bus Trip

We didn't ever ask the boys about their first solo megabus trip last week. We were concerned about safety and timing, but not so much the experience of the trip. So at dinner, I finally asked, "What was the bus like?" Got an earful. My 2 teenage sons were seated across from 4 year old Diamond and her elderly grandma.  For the 2 1/2 bus ride Diamond did not listen to her grandma, it was "Diamond! Get back here!" "Diamond, stop running in the isles!' "Diamond, do not touch those buttons!" "Diamond
stop climbing over the seats." "Diamond! Diamond! Diamond!" I thought when I dropped the boys off to begin with something was a little fishy. There were so many people waiting for a 10:30am bus.  Mostly college age kids with backpacks and laptops, the usual patrons.  I have never seen a suit on a megabus. But this time there were like triple the people waiting. The seat by Diamond and her grandma was occupied by a student who was working on his lap top the whole trip and not paying attention to Diamond. He was working away. The announcement came over the loud speaker that the bus would be arriving at 30th Street in Phila in 15 more minutes. The serious student heard this, took off his earphones and said aloud, "Where is this bus going?" My son told him Philadelphia.  He said, "I thought it was going to the University of Pittsburgh!" Soon the rest of the bus heard his mom on his cell phone, "WHAT?  Philadelphia! How the hell did you end up there?" The kid was as shocked as the mom and had no plans for Philadelphia.  The Indian man sitting in front of Diamond turned around and gave the kid $50 and told him to get a ticket to Pittsburgh as soon as they got into Phila. The kid said "I can't take your money."  The man said "Take it." The kid said, " I can't just take your money." The man insisted and the kid said "Thank you thank you so much." And then the  whole bus heard the kid call his mom back and tell her what happened, because he had to talk over Diamond's grandma.

tsk tsk tsk 7th Grade Girls.

This Saturday afternoon, my 7th grade son had an airsoft "war" at our house. About 20 boys. All excited, dressed to the hilt in their camo outfits, eager to play. The talk all week long in school, on the bus, at football practice was in preparation for Saturday. The boys called everyday to strategize, the parents called me to make sure it was ok to be having all of these boys here with guns. Well, this boy chatter did not got lost on the 7th grade girls. They just happened to show up around our house at 3pm, the same time the boys arrived. The boys were so happy to be with their friends and never even had a thought, an image or a care about the opposite sex. Until they saw the girls. Cute little shorts and hoop earings. Game changer. Never saw it coming, but written all over their faces and in their body language. Some things just never change. I told my adult daughters, they knew exactly what I was talking about....poor clueless boys, they just have no idea.

Hercules and the Boys Are In The Doghouse

Our puppy is spoiled. Rotten. Someone is playing with him, running with him, teaching him tricks, taking him exploring in the woods most of the day. One son gets up 6am to walk him and play in the yard with him before school, my husband takes him for runs 3 mornings a week. When the boys come home from school, they play with him nonstop. They wanted to let him on the trampoline because they said he was barking to go on with them. He can now do all kinds of little tricks where he gets gigantic rewards. Like a ham bone if a kid just says,"Speak." He pouts to be taken on every car trip even for only practice and then gets huffy if someone takes his front seat, so the boys let him sit up front. They said he has to, because dogs like to stick their noses out of windows so they don't get car sick. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Yesterday when I was vacuuming the family room I saw something white sticking out of the leather sofa. What the heck is it? A rawhide bone. Rawhide bones are not even allowed in the house, the dog makes a huge mess with them. Then I saw the suede chair and the cushion was crooked because there was a rawhide bone under it.  The green couch, again between the cushions another rawhide bone!  What! Who is giving this dog all these bones? 3 confiscated bones! When is he burying these bones inside my good furniture?  Must be the invisible phantom bone giver because no one here had any idea.

How Can A Believer Vote Democrat?

The Democrat convention scene:
Speaker #1, "ABORTION!  YES!  Anytime!" Loud cheers of support.
Speaker #2 "ABORTION! YES! Anywhere!" Thunderous applause.
Speaker #3 "ABORTION! YES! Any age!"  The crowd is wild in agreement.
Speaker #4 "ABORTION! YES! Any Reason!" Over the top glee.
Repeat.
Without human life nothing else matters. Without life the common good has no value.

I Am A Great Cook

Oh yes. Dinner is a feast.
Last night I made baked sweetened pork chops with apples and vinegar, spaghetti squash from the garden with sautéed tomatoes, onions, basil and feta and apple crisp with yogurt and walnuts. Tonight is spicy herbed chicken breasts smothered with peppers from the garden, marinated portabella mushrooms and chive mashed potatoes. Blueberry peach pie for dessert. So yummy! How can I be so bold as to shamelessly brag like this? Well, because I know I did not do this on my own. Just like the President said. God gave me the talent and the desire to cook when He gave me all of these kids. I did not do anything to earn or deserve any ability I have. They are gifts, I had nothing to do with and I know it.  And so at night, when we all bow our heads before we dig in, we have before us another clear reason to give Him praise.

Wordless Wednesday

Genius or fail?

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Becoming Grandmother

Wow! What an amazing thought!  It is pretty much all I can think about. I am 50 and "Hey, Granny." sounds strange. My youngest child is still in elementary school! Then I stop to think about the joy a baby brings, and I wish that joy for my children. I remember my now pregnant daughter as a newborn, and bringing her home from the hospital. Looking at her. Staring at her. For hours and hours. Just looking. In awe and wonder. And the concept of life that I carried around in my belly never ever got boring or old, but was always mind boggling. I would look at her eyes and know they came from my side of the family, her hair and think it was more like my husbands. We both would just look at her. In quiet. And could not believe it. (We would also say, "Well, now what? Are we supposed to be doing anything with her?"). The feeling of love for this soul was so overwhelming we did not know how to handle it. It was as if our hearts were going to explode because they were so full. And then came the 2nd baby and 3rd and 4th and 5th and 6th and 7th and 8th. And we loved those babies in this same way, and could not contain our amazement and wonder on how such a thing could be possible. It was always so miraculous. Our love was never used up. When I consider this it make my head spin, I cannot even describe what happens in my heart. The realization of the infinitness of love. My daughter will get to know this now. And then I think of heaven, where there is only love. Even hope and faith are no longer needed. Only love. A new life brings a little bit of heaven to earth.

The Beauty Of Adult Children

Oh yes..a beautiful thing.
On Friday we took the teens out of school to put them on a megabus to Phila, where they would spend the next 2 days with their older sister, exploring the city and being impressed with her high rise apartment and office. How sweet it is to wave good bye to teenage boys. My college son called to remind me to tell the boys to be careful with their electronic equipment on the bus and in the city and to always be aware. I thanked him very much for his parenting advice. Then Friday night we had a double date with my oldest daughter and her husband to toast to their first anniversary. They just could not wait to go out with us. They came into the kitchen together, beaming, happy and in love and said, "Guess what?" Smiling from ear to ear. "Well, guess what?'  I was putting the rest of the dishes away and said, "What?" My daughter said," I'm pregnant!"

Coming Back to Blog Land

I have been busy here! In a good way.
Yesterday when I was driving three boys home from practice I asked them what books they were reading. My 8th grade son is reading Tom Sawyer, and began describing in detail the painting of the white fence scene. The other boys were very much paying attention to this concept and I could see the wheels turning in their little heads about how they could apply this strategy in their lives. The rest of the ride home was quiet because they were thinking. So tonight was our last back to school night for the school year, and it was for the elementary grades. There was the usual big push for the parents to join the PTA, with the class that has the most parents sign up getting a coveted ice-cream party.  When I came home, my 5th grader asked me if I signed up for the PTA. I told him no. He asked why not?, I told him I did not wish to pay the $5 to join for me to do work. The boys all started laughing. And told me the PTA stole the idea from Tom.

Wordless Wednesday

Everyone Doesn't Play By The Same Rules

Kind of stinks for the loser.  Kind of stinks for the winner too, just not now.
This weekend was one sporting event after another. And it was fun. Boys and young men who faithfully do their push ups everyday competing against one another, for the ball, for a pin, for the end zone. And 99% of the time the athletes were fair and decent. Then comes the boys and moms and dads and coaches who are not fair, do not play fair. Use words like strategy to manipulate the sport or don't use any words and just cheat. And win! The peers gather in a circle shake their heads in disgust and call the kid a dirty player...the dad interjects with a laugh and says to the boys, "yea, but he wins...you losers don't." Doesn't seem fair or right because it isn't.  Guess sports is sometimes a microcosm of life. And like all of life whatever the apparent outcome, we still can't cheat time or God. We have to shake it off and continue to preach do the right thing, and keep the faith.