The Experiences of Life

My 22 year old daughter is home unexpectedly from college. Here is what she told me, "We would always just sit around and say how much fun life would be if we were in college but didn't have classes. Well, after 3 days of that, it's not we thought it would be." Their campus still has no electricity from Sandy, and classes are cancelled for the rest of the week. Oh, yes, we all live and learn, don't we?!

How Much Do They Really Notice?

I got new red ruffled pillows, with about 100 tiny bows on them and  put them on the chairs in the family room.  My husband came home from work and said, "Oh. You got new pillows."  "I said, "Yea. Do you like them? They are a perfect!" He cringed his eyebrows and said, "Well, not really. The boys won't like them either. Too girly." I then explained how everyone likes pretty things. These pillow must be very prominent, because as soon as the kids came home, they noticed...and said the same thing in the same flat voice...."Oh. New pillows." Well, I like them. So I asked them if they even notice all the touches I make around the house... fresh flowers in the bathroom, on the kitchen table, and by the Blessed Virgin Mary. Did they notice? They look immediately to where I mentioned and say yea, I notice. Then I started to ask more questions, "What color are my eyes?" Everyone got the right answer. What color are the curtains in the kitchen?  No idea there were curtains in the kitchen. What about the living room? No idea. Family room? No idea. Dinning room? No idea. What!  None of these people pay any attention to my efforts! They quickly said our house is nice. And they like the way it looks.  But they knew I was not happy they did not notice the details, and about what they implied about the pillows. My husband tried to get out of this situation and ask me math questions about the house. How many chairs were AROUND the kitchen table?(one is off to the side, in a corner, so maybe he thought this was a trick question) and then said, "See?  You didn't know the answer to that." They all laughed but then stopped as I explained how I clean the chair everyday so I knew exactly how many chairs were in the kitchen. It was soon dawning on them that all things house were my turf and the best thing they could do was say they like it and then be quiet. At least they knew that much.

If We Only Knew...

My son is 16 years old and 2 days. He got his permit yesterday and will be driving to school tomorrow with my husband. He will also be dropping off his younger brothers at their school. Tonight he gave them instructions, "When I am driving you have to be quiet. No fooling around. And everyone has to wear their seat belts." Hahaha, unbelievable!

Dinner At The Chinese Buffet

I had just two kids all weekend. Peaceful. Sunday night the 3 of us went to the Chinese buffet. The older son comes back to his seat with a mouth watering steak from the hibachi grill. It was perfect, looking and tasting. The 10 year old son immediately wanted the same thing and went over to the grill, put a steak on the plate and said, "I would like this with teriyaki sauce please." The chef said, "How would you like it done?"
My son said, "What?"
"How would you like it done?"
"With teriyaki sauce."
"Do you want it cooked medium?"
"Yes please. "
"Medium what?"
"What?"
"What kind of medium?"
"What?"
"How would you like it cooked?"
"With teriyaki sauce.
"And medium?'
"Yes."
"Medium how?"
"Um, medium low."
"There is no such thing."
My son comes back to the table with a char broiled most well done steak I have ever seen that looked nothing at all like the meat the other son had, and says, "Is this what I ordered?"

Wordless Wednesday

Here is what our college daughter found when she went to her car today .
Duct tape should give us some kind of profit share.

Sometimes I Learn From A Mans Point of View

Last week my husband and I attended a dinner with other supporters of our local Catholic high school. It was fun! Light, happy, entertaining. There was one sister there who has been at the school for like 100 years.  She is round and happily wears thick cream colored 70's style plastic glasses. She is very bossy. I have witnessed her tell embarrassed parents to get in their seats at back to school nights. I like her! And she knows it, because she can tell.  She came up to me and said, " I have to tell you how much I enjoy your son. He is very bright. And such a doll." On the way home, I told my husband I couldn't wait to tell our son how much she liked him. My husband said, "Yea, but don't tell him what she said." I asked, "What? Why not?" He explained, "Most teen age boys do not want to be thought of or referred to as a doll."  I could only respond,"Oh."

The Cartoon Interpretation of Book Club

I asked my son to please go out to the car and get my book for book club. He and his brother started laughing, and he said, "Is it Rebecca Front Door?" I asked him what he meant and he explained on Luney Tunes the characters sat around in a circle for book club to discuss the book, Rebecca Front Door. The lady with a wide brimmed hat said, "Oh! I just loved this tragic book." The short man with the mustache said, "And when he got to her door and did not have the courage to knock...so heartbreaking so heartbreaking..." And the group nodded in agreed sadness at the pre teen who could not find the guts to knock on the girl's door, and they all start sobbing uncontrollably thinking about it, and is that what our book club is like?

What Is Your Personality Type?

Last Thanksgiving after dinner our family was relaxing in the family room. We were full, content and the dishes were done.  It was great atmosphere, and each one of us felt happy to be together. We were choosing game partners and I said "We can't put those 2 type A's together." None of the kids had any idea what I was talking about, so we told them about the pop psychology of labeling people by A, B, C and D personality traits that was all the rage when we were in college. They were so interested in this! What am I? What are you? They started researching on their laptops and phones. We discussed this at length. It was a fun dialogue, that I had not thought about since then. Yesterday, 10 months after that conversation, my son and I were driving home from practice. I said to him," Let's see who has more election signs, Romney or Obama. You count Obama and I'll count Romney." This is this first time in my life I have ever counted anything. My son was curious too and said ok, who do you think is going to win the election?  I told him about the discussion me and his dad were having the night before, and how I told my husband I think Romney is going to win, but now I feel so bad for all of those people who really believed Obama would make their lives magically better. My husband immediately said, "Ann Marie! Stop! This is near the end of a competition! You cannot show any weakness now! After it's over is over it's different." My son said, "You are such a D and Dad is such an A. That is why you get along so well."

What's Up With The Tooth Fairy?

With child #1 she was flawless! Never forgot a payment for a tooth, including 12 year old molars. By child #8, she got so forgetful. This 8th child now has to ask us, almost with every tooth, "Can YOU please remind the tooth fairy about that tooth that has been under my pillow for 3 days?"

Wordless Wednesday

I Did Get Selected

But then told the judge I could not serve on the jury.
 One 2 week civil trial, and 7 criminal trials will be filling our county court this week. I was chosen as juror #31 by random computer selection at 9am this morning. There were 50 jurors chosen. I was excited to be doing this! Every time I would go to court to watch my husband, I was amazed at the total attention of the jury...even when it was dull, drawn out and boring testimony...they would pay strict attention. I could never figure out how or why they paid such close attention, when I found it hard to even focus. Now I know. No one is really sure what is going on, and everyone is so afraid they are going to mess up so we all pay complete attention to every word in case we miss something. The staff first gives everyone a jury number, and everyone holds on to it like it is gold and then double checks it to make sure they remember it, because that is what you are called, juror #31. Then they line us in rows of 8. Standing. And we stand, holding the number until they say go, then everyone goes. Then they say sit and everyone sits. It started today with the plaintiff's lawyer giving a summary of the case. Followed by questions. Can everyone be here everyday for 2 weeks? Does anyone know the defendant or the plaintiff?  Does anyone have stock in the company? Did anyone ever work as a nurses aide? Is anyone or was anyone a health care provider? Next, the questions that got tricky for some people: Do you believe in caps for punitive damages? One woman raised her hand and said her husband was a physician and his opinion of how much medical malpractice claims has affected his profession will influence her from rendering an impartial verdict. She was immediately dismissed by the judge. By the 3rd hour of questioning (yes long!)  I felt I had to tell them my husband is medical malpractice defense attorney...so I raised my hand and said I think I am biased towards the defense. The judge said, "Well, can you refrain from discussing this with your husband?" My husband is a 100% by the rules man who would never, ever break rules and talk to me as a juror about a case, so I said "Well, he wouldn't listen to me anyway." And I meant he would tell me to stop talking if I was not supposed to, and would not participate in anything illegal. The judge and both lawyers immediately agreed their spouses do not listen to them either. Oh my gosh. So reluctantly the judge dismissed me and told everyone there my husband is a very good lawyer! But I kept thinking how now she thinks he's doesn't listen to me. My husband then met me for lunch when I called him in a panic,  and told me not to worry about it. I got to go back in the pool with 120 others to sit around and wait. Lots of chatty people in that room. Some people played cards and jenga or watched CNN. I read my book for book club. Back tomorrow at 8:15.

I Hope I Am On A Jury Tomorrow

We are meeting at the courthouse at 8:15 am. My first time! I asked my attorney husband what is the best way for me to optimize my chances of get selected to sit on a jury? He explained there are 8 courtrooms and each will need 14 jours (2 alternative have to listen to all the testimony in case something happens to one of the 12 jurors). There will probably be 300 potential jurors to start the process called jury selection, which will ultimately end up with 120 jurors selected to serve. He said what most lawyers do NOT want on a jury is a person who can monopolize deliberations. The system is designed for 12 individuals to form their own opinions based on all the evidence, then come together for a consensus. A leader with a big mouth might be able to sway someone's opinion. He told me to answer all the questions honestly and completely but otherwise not talk too much. I hope to be able to see with my own eyes how different people, hearing the same facts come up with either the same or different conclusions.  I do not have any expectations of how this will go. Have you ever been on a jury?

Cash For Clunkers or Repair?

Yesterday I brought 5 broken 10 speed bikes into the bike shop. The first thing I did when I walked in was ask the not exactly pleasant bearded man how much the least expensive bike in the shop was. He told me, "about $400." That definitely ruled out new. Then I told him about the 5 bikes in the back of my van and could he look at them and give me an estimate how much they would cost to repair. He followed me. He had a pad and pen and was writing a lot of stuff down about these bikes. The bikes are totally beat. No brakes, chains broken, gears stripped, seats that move all around in circles., etc.  Probably not even safe. And 2 of the bikes were just from Santa, so they are not even 10 months old!  But the boys ride those bikes almost everyday, in grass, in water, on gravel ...  so I do not know if the reason the bikes are so battered is because they are careless with them or because the bikes were not built for so much activity. Anyway, the man said it would cost about $500 to fix the bikes, even with the family volume discount he never heard of but agreed to. The bikes cost about $100 a piece new. The thought of putting those relatively new bikes in a landfill did not seem right. The man shook his head and knew what I was saying, then finally said, "Ok look, if I do fix them you better pick them up." Guess they don't sell those kind of bikes in bike stores!!  They should be ready next Tuesday.

To be Misunderstood In Blogging

I remember a long time ago realizing people beat around the bush to try and make a point. Or say things they don't even mean, in a nice way, you know, not to offend or anything. I always thought of myself as a straight shooter. I thought I said what I mean. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not so good. When I write a blog post, I think I am straightforward, I try to be. But I learned from comments and reactions I am not! I will tell you what I mean. I recently wrote a post on 7th grade girls. It was intended to be an innocent, light, humorous observation of human nature and coming of age. I attempted to describe the universality of human interaction as they begin to notice the opposite sex. It was never a finger pointing of any particular girls! That thought never even crossed my mind. I was shocked to learn that is how the post was interpreted. I wrote another post about a young girl being bullied and my son selected to sit next to her. The story was not meant to honor my son, but to illustrate the opposite. Only doing what he had to do, in a nice way, is not enough. Not nearly enough. If this simple blog can be so misinterpreted I cannot even image what it is like to have every word and phrase magnified and dissected for the world to explicate. I think tonight I will give the debaters some slack.

Wordless Wednesday

Maybe this helps explain how they get away with so much.

A Glimpse Inside the Mind Of A College Student

My 19 year old college son was home this weekend for fall break. My husband invited him to play basketball with his group, like they used to when my son was in high school. I get nervous when my  husband plays this contact sport. I made him quit for awhile last year, when the black eyes, bruises, and limping were getting common. So last night when they came home from playing and were in one piece, I expressed my relief. My son was confused. He thought it was easier for a 51 year old man to be running up and down the court than it was for him. He explained with all of his experience and all, my husband was more used to it.
Moving along to my senior in college daughter.  She called last week to tell me the college health center is offering $30 in cash incentives for students to get flu shots.  Would it be ok if her friend, who already got the flu shot, got another one so he could get the money?

How A Football Poll Unites A Family

My husband was born an Eagles fan. He went to college an Eagles fan and was in a fraternity with Eagles fans, and some Giant fans! They agreed to put aside their football rivalry and became friends. One of the guys started a football poll long after college, as a way to continue the tradition of reminding each other how much their team "stinks" (family friendly blog). These friends are into the professional football scene, NFL Ticket is streaming Sunday all day.  As he would be figuring out things like which team would have the most punts my husband told our kids he had the disadvantage because he did not have the same information available, and that was a reason he was losing. Yet our know it all children knew all about the picks, and didn't need the ticket to tell them. They would repeat, "Dad!  Why would you pick them? They had the least rushing yards in the league!" "Dad! Why would you pick them?  Their defense does the same thing and every team reads it every play." etc etc etc.. the Monday quarterbacking in full force in our house, and if they were making the picks they would be winning. My husband decided to print each kids name on the sheet, print it and have them fill it out, and see just how easy it is now. We began filling out our picks every week and started following pro football closer, to see how we did compared to everyone else. The 6 year old would wake up and say, "What's the spread in the New Orleans game?"  As time went on and kids went to college they were curious about who is winning the picks. They now text their picks so they can still participate.  Some of the kids say "I am going with all dogs today." Last week, I picked all the red states as winners. Of course this makes no sense and is in no way a predictor of winning. My husband compiles everyones picks for the week and uses the teams most of us choose as his pick. And guess what?  We win. The last 7 years we came out ahead. Last year $368. And it's fun. Everyone is interested in everyone else's pick. We all know it's not the poll that unites us, it's the family doing it together.  Just like it still unites those frat boys.

Practice Makes Perfect

While I was a nurse at NIH, I was a member of the code team. There were 7 of us. We were the first responders in the hospital when a persons heart stopped beating or a person stopped breathing. A lot of responsibility. With that responsibility came training. Every Tuesday for 10 hours we would practice what to do in all kinds of situations, with every kind of heart beat, or airway obstruction. Over and over and over. When an emergency happened we knew exactly what to do. There was never deciding or wondering or questioning. We knew what we were doing. We were prepared. You would want this team taking care of you or someone you loved. Similarly, my husband demonstrates the effort involved as he prepares for trial. Hours spent reviewing the same details and transcripts. Late nights and early mornings. Thinking, strategizing anticipating, reviewing. Time and effort. Preparation pays off in good results! It cannot be underrated!  We were telling our kids this during dinner last night, to keep them motivated to work hard at their studies and sports. And to emphasize it is work! I think stories around the dinner table matter more than society realizes.  

Wordless Wednesday

Let's objectify